Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express!
Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives
they were given by him upstairs
and kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on earth could ever replace
kids needing money or wives in your face?
Cos this, people reckon, and me included,
is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented
to calm us all down and stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers
who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
FRANK LAUGHS
Scatter.
Party!
(Ian) I spent a long time living with my lie.
Too long.
It got to the point where I couldn't hide it any more.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it.
I decided I'd tell the truth, no matter what,
swore to myself nothing and no-one would ever make me lie again.
No-one would ever put me under that kind of pressure.
That honesty really was the best policy.
Tell the truth and shame the devil, no matter what the price.
And there's always a price.
INAUDlBLE
MUFFLED BEAT OF HIP-HOP MUSIC
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO
(Raps) # Rolling with the hos in the brothel
# Where me bit jangs out
# Toking on a reefer cos I'm feeling s-s-s-s-stressed out - kick it
# Cruising in the limo with my homos
# Big and strong, they're gonna fuck you up cos you stole my bong
# Hear my now
# Ma's a jail queen and Dad's a smack fien...
#..Fenian #
I was just freestyling. You know, having a laugh.
Think this is funny, do ya?
No.
Dad...
Get yourselves scrubbed up.
Try and look half-decent for your visit.
POP MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO
I'm not in any rush.
- Day off? - Teacher training day.
Where are you two going?
POWER DRILL WHIRRS
Right.
That door closes, lock down.
I leave once a day for a shower.
You enter to bring food.
Door opens for no other reason.
At all times, carry the gun.
I try to run, permission...
No. I order you to shoot me.
- Nice one! - In the leg.
That's a bit extreme, isn't it?
Rubber bullets.
I do not leave until I am 100 fucking per cent clean. Got that?
- Yeah. - For your mother's eyes only.
It's gotta be their mistake.
And Mum would want to see you, wouldn't she?
Go.
(Paddy) Micky!
Yeah?
Oof!
I said do not open the door under any circumstances.
- Micky, move! - Aaargh!
BOTH SCREAM
You could've given Stan a heart attack.
It's your fault! I'm getting rejections left, right and centre
because my portfolio isn't up to scratch.
New photos cost.
Wanking material for perverts is not a career!
Your mum's right.
You can talk. You couldn't keep your eyes off 'em.
I saw a millisecond of nipple, Yvonne.
- Swear to you. - And the rest.
Anyway, back off! You're not me dad.
I'll make me own money, then I can do what I want.
I catch you with your tits out again, you're grounded for life. End of!
Sorry to interrupt a domestic.
All right if I leave this shopping with you behind counter?
One of the girls will pick it up.
Some days I feel like I could do with a pair of extra hands.
Like your Hindu god - Thinga.
- Seen Liam? - He was at ours earlier.
He was going out with Danny.
The school rang, asking why he's not in.
They haven't seen him for three days.
- Told me it were teacher training. - Boy's a genius!
What's Danny's excuse? He might be able to come and go as he pleases.
Liam can't.
Why is it full of birds in here?
Cos it's a birds' prison, dickhead.
You two, fuck off a minute.
Dirty lezzers. It's enough to make you want to go to prison.
There's a letter from Dad.
What's going on?
Between me and your father. How is he?
Cold turkey.
It's a start.
Let's concentrate on getting you out of here.
Face it, son, I don't stand a chance.
While Joe's out for the count, there's no possibility of bail.
And if he doesn't come around, forget GBH.
I'm up for murder.
It won't come to that.
(Micky) Get your fucking hands off me!
(Man) Break it up!
(Shane) Come on, then, you fucking slag!
Oh. Too good for my pity.
Fancy yourself in the company of the elite now, do you?
Tina Turner, Halle Berry, Sheryl Gascoigne.
Piss off, Frank.
There's nowt to be ashamed of.
Domestic abuse happens right across the social spectrum.
Even posh birds get a good hiding now and then.
This is your chance to walk away.
So take it.
What do you think's gonna happen, Karen?
We both know.
Thanks for your vote of confidence.
If you let Joe worm his way back in...
..you'll have to move out. I've got no choice.
That's one less Maguire for poor you to worry about, then, innit?
I'm starving.
- How was your day? - Usual.
Double maths, double science. Geography. We learned about glaciers.
What the hell do you think you're playing at?
In my defence, can I just say it's a bit hypocritical of you both,
don't you think?
Don't you dare. You know this is different.
Just cos we fucked up our chances
don't mean we're gonna let you do the same.
It's all work, revise, pressure. I don't want to be one of those kids,
old before my time, pining for a lost childhood.
That's bollocks and you know it is.
I'm gonna have words with Danny. Stay away from him.
He's not right in the head.
You wouldn't be living with him if he was.
I can handle him.
It's not Danny's fault.
I just wanted to go fishing. OK?
I won't do it again.
Promise.
What the fuck...?
CLATTERING Shit!
Oh!
RETCHES
Oh! This one's for free...
big boy.
Come on, honey!
So much better than Jamie! I'm a naughty bitch!
Give it to me, Daddy! Give it to me!
MOANS
Ian?
Asleep.
Safe!
Hands above the head where I can see 'em.
Slowly.
I don't want any sort of moves.
You'd better pray I'm fucking hallucinating.
Eugh!
Not for eating. Just to suck on for the taste. Might help.
All I could manage, you know, when I was where you are.
We'll clean up while you're in shower.
Take 'em when the cramps kick in.
There's a letter from Mum for you as well.
I know orgasm's the next best thing to a hit.
You wank to a picture of a donkey in a G-string
when you're coming off the gear,
but take it easy, or little Patrick will be worn away.
You're gonna need him when Mimi gets out.
Any more pearls of wisdom, I'll brass you one.
(Shane) Oi!
Let's see if you've still got that attitude
when you're swimming in your own shite.
Shower.
Safety's still on.
Carl, is Liam there?
Oh, that fucking Danny!
Get round 'ere, soon as.
What's going on?
I dunno. Danny's up to something and he's taken Liam with him.
- I'll tell you on the way. - Way where?
Is Keith there?
Says he's come back for ya.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Watersport Ed is in. Bathroom's out of bounds.
What can I do you for?
- I'm looking for work. - Oh, lovely.
There's certainly a market.
Oh, no, I didn't mean like that.
I was thinking of more like an assistant to you.
Take the pressure off, free you up.
I'll clean, prep the rooms, look after punters.
I wouldn't be asking for much in the way of wages.
If you took in food and lodgings, I'd work for next to nowt.
What's the catch?
There isn't one. I just need a job, like, now.
All right. I'll give you a trial run, see how it goes.
When can I start? KNOCK AT DOOR
Now.
(Mimi) Before the smack warps your mind to mush,
I remind you,
24 years ago, we took sacred vows in the presence of God.
Promise you now, I intend to keep true to our vows
till death us do part.
Don't forget it. Your loving wife, Mimi.
FARTS LOUDLY
FARTS
(Paddy) The hardest thing I'll ever do is kick this habit.
I need to get through this.
You looking at me for blame is not helping.
SQUELCH!
Whether I succeed or fail, you'll have your answer.
Your loving hubby, Patrick.
Up there longer than necessary again
and I'll have you for sexual assault!
It's all brand-new underwear, Karen.
Modelled by a few of Lillian's finest.
It won't all be Muslim.
Great. I'll send Stan around with t'boxes.
My notice. I quit.
This is family. You don't quit.
Die, yeah. Quit, no.
I've got a proper job, proper pay.
Bit of work. Little bit of independence.
- What is it, then? - Working at Lillian's.
Pakistan for you!
That's your answer to everything!
Better that than ruin your life selling yourself!
Gonna be star attraction, me. Gonna be fucking loaded.
And don't bother making me tea, cos I won't be home. Ever!
No, no, no. Calm down.
SIREN WAILS
MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY
Nurse said you'd been visiting.
When I woke up...
..I knew I'd lost you.
That pain...
..worse than any hiding anyone could ever give me.
I deserve this.
No.
Jamie had no right.
They have no right. I've my own mind.
I need you.
Just wanted to see you were all right.
I'll let you get some rest.
I love you.
The only good news about Joe is that Mimi won't be going down for murder.
You're right.
- That my ears burning? - Don't be daft.
We were just saying Yvonne's Asian knicker party
upstairs tomorrow night should be a laugh.
Mandy, what I said before, I didn't...
It starts with the lickle things...
..controlling who and where you spend your time.
What you wear, eat.
Sex gets a little rough.
He gets hypersensitive to what you say and do.
Then comes blame.
All his wrongs are your fault.
Threats start to happen, then... Pfft!
What makes you the expert?
Same problem with every new generation.
You think you're the first to invent life's experiences.
Seeing Joe...
I was praying for a tiny hint of anger in him...
..to make it easier for me to leave.
All I saw was him hurting.
I still love him.
That fucked up, or what?
People are judgmental, Mandy.
Love isn't.
Reason why it's the number two killer in this world.
What's number one?
Well, money, obviously.
Speaking of which, you couldn't...?
DISTANT POUNDING
GROANS
DISTURBING NOISES
BUZZING
THUNDER RUMBLES
DISTANT VOICES ECHO
Hello? Hello?
SCREAMS
DOOR CLOSES
Where now?
Holly Bush Way.
(Scouse accent) All right there, kidder. Know where 'Olly Bush Way is, like?
Buzz and laugh and toffee apple, la?
MOUTHS
- What the fuck are you doing? - I'm mingling.
I'm blending in.
What's the number?
44.
- What, they dealing? - Fuck off, Micky.
They must be selling something.
How else would Liam get a shiny new mobie and a hundred quid?
What the fuck?!
Oi!
What you doin', Ian?
It's his dad! It's his dad! It's his dad!
It's his DAD!
He wanted me to be his ears.
Anything could have happened and we wouldn't have known a thing about it.
Do what the fuck you want, just don't get him involved, OK?
Why all the secrecy? Why didn't you tell us?
- He wanted me to keep it quiet. - Hence the phone and cash.
Every man has his price.
- What's he saying? - He just wanted to see his dad.
I could have taken you. Why the big secret?
Don't ignore me. Why the big fucking secret?
- You're out of order! - Maybe he's frightened.
Wait till the coppers come around,
wanting to know who it was that beat up your old man.
Then you'll know fucking frightened.
- Pack it in! - No, fuck you!
- Come here! Listen to me, right? - Ian!
- What are you doing? - He's someone else's kid, right?
Keep your distance from now on. You hear me? Keep your distance.
Nice one.
That's the golden shower unit hosed and disinfected.
- Eh? - Bathroom's done?
Love-30. My serve.
LAUGHS Do us a favour.
Can you go and stand on lino, love, cos you're dripping.
Chance for you to earn a couple of extra bob tomorrow night.
Nothing Biblical. I mean, Koranical. Modelling for a knicker party at Jockey.
Count me in. Sounds great. KNOCK AT DOOR
PADDY GROANS
GROANS Oh, fuck!
GHOSTLY VOICE SINGS DANNY BOY
#..When all the flowers are dying
# I am dead
# As dead I well may be
(Paddy) # You'll come
# And find the place I'm lying
(Ghostly voice) # And kneel and say
# Ave for me #
No hello?
How have you been?
35 years is a long time.
PANTS AND TREMBLES
Hello, Daddy.
(Paddy) Daddy...
Fucking...!
PADDY GROANS
Any chance you could take over for a shift?
I've been stuck here two bleeding days.
I feel like me undies are Velcroed to me arse.
Got business to sort. Where's Micky?
Fuck knows.
PADDY GROANS Is he OK?
The sooner he's back to normal and Mam's out, the better.
- You might get a break, then. - Me?
I am loving it.
I've arranged the delivery.
Two kilos.
Should be here this afternoon.
Make sure you're in, yeah?
PADDY SCREAMS
(Paddy) Oh, fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
Junkie!
A fucking user!
I raised you better than that!
Please, Daddy, no.
- Right? Eh?! - Please!
Traitor! You shamed me!
Shamed our name.
What kind of a man are you?
Traitor!
PHONE RINGS
Don't hang up. Work your charms. Get Mandy to come and see me.
I can't.
Or she finds out what a good mate you are, shagging me behind her back.
KATIE SCREAMS Ssh! Quiet, Katie.
I'm sorry.
I was bang out of order before.
I have to give up someone I want, someone I love,
to be part of this.
And I don't know if it's worth it.
Is that what you've told him?
I haven't told him anything.
Maybe you should go and see him,
explain yourself, let him know where he stands.
Let us all know where we stand.
It's the eternal dilemma, innit?
Head or heart?
We're wired different, see, men and women.
Your hearts are wired to your heads. Ours are wired further south.
You know what he is.
You know what to expect.
He can change.
What you see is what you get.
And I like what I see.
Most of the time.
What about what she sees?
Cos she will.
One day.
(Mandy) C'mon, Katie.
I noticed your glass was empty.
So, Mandy and Joe.
What do we do?
Nothing.
We can't just let her walk back to him.
I know if I lay down the law, give Mandy an ultimatum,
she'll do exactly what I say. She'll leave him.
Result.
Then she'll blame me for fucking up her life. As time goes by,
she'll forget that Joe was a piece of shit
and just remember that I was the one insisted she left him.
- Do you reckon she will leave him? - I hope so.
Cos if he touches her again,
I'll kill him.
I thought you might have brought Katie in.
I don't like her being in hospitals.
She could catch anything.
What I did...
..it won't ever happen again.
I know.
I made a mistake. I took us... you for granted.
I was under pressure.
And it all got on top. And it...
- I love you. - Why,
when you could do so much better?
Single mother. Low self-esteem.
Well, I must have, loving a man like you.
I can change.
Then you won't be the man I fell in love with.
Don't you see, Joe? Whatever we do, we're fucked.
But the sad thing is... I could settle for that.
I love you so much I'd risk it.
I'd take all your promises and believe the lot of them.
Each and every time. Slap after slap after slap.
- I won't... - I'd believe them.
But I don't think Katie would.
She'd get to an age where she'd sit me down and ask me why I'd stayed.
And how could I ever tell her
that her mother was willing to be a doormat...
..just because she loved you?
MONITOR BEEPS RAPIDLY
BEEPING SLOWS
Bye.
Peggy. It's Ian. I've left you three messages now.
It's obvious you're not arsed,
which is just as well, cos I'm not either.
I'm going back home. I don't know where Danny is and I don't care.
If you need someone to look after him, you're his auntie.
You might try doing it yourself.
See ya.
Whoa! Fucking hell.
Wha...?
She said he used to beat me!
Said he battered me and my mam.
He did this.
You can talk.
It's the only way he could get you to listen.
Danny texted me. He said he'd found him. I got the first flight I could.
Danny. Danny, you don't know what your dad's like.
He's dangerous.
Look at me.
Look at me!
He almost killed you once.
Let's not give him a second chance, eh?
He said that you were a liar.
I told him what you said. He said that you were a liar.
Danny, why would she lie?
He said you couldn't have kids.
That you stole me from him when Mum died.
No. That is not true.
Your mum begged me to take you.
She begged me. To save you.
Why don't you come with me to Spain? We'll move.
I'll sell the bar, yeah?
He'll never find us. You won't ever have to see him again.
(Peggy) Danny. Danny, why not? What's stopping you?
Agreed? Danny?
Agreed?
Hey.
Agreed?
(Ian) Peggy, I can be out of this place by tonight.
Keep it. It's yours.
What?
We won't be coming back, will we?
LOUD RUMBLING
(Paddy) Oh, mercy.
Hypocrite! You let me down. Hypocrite!
You have to be single...
What do I do, Da?
# Once upon a time there was a tavern
# Where we used to raise a glass or two
# Remember how we laughed away the hours
# And dreamed of all the great things we would do... #
I fell for her completely but...she tricked me.
Got me hooked on the gear. Hung me out to dry.
Cost me everything.
The business, the respect of my children,
the love of my wife.
CHOKES
You're not going to be told what to do by no man!
And no woman.
You are gonna kick the shit
and reclaim what's yours, no matter what it takes.
Anyone gets in your way, annihilate them.
It's not that easy.
Carry no passengers.
Go.
Not without you.
Go.
You walked out before. I lost you once.
I don't want to lose you again.
- Get out. - Please, Daddy. Don't.
I need you here. Please, Daddy. Don't go.
I said get out!
No! No!
SCREAMING
EXPLOSION
SCREAMS Please, Daddy! No! No!
No! No!
- You can hear that from the street. - He's possessed!
Should we get a priest? SCREAMING >
SCREAMS
RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, THUMP!
- Here's Johnny! Redrum! - Here's Johnny! Redrum!
- Shoot the fucker! - Shoot the fucker!
BANG!
Ah, it's got me! It's got me!
(Paddy) I can't do this!
(Paddy's dad) You're a Maguire. You have to.
Mam banged up and you resenting me.
It's the last thing I wanted to happen.
We're finished.
- I'm sorry. - You're fucking delighted.
You deserve better from him and us.
Whatever I can do, you know where I am.
Any more interfering in my life, I'll walk.
And you'll never see me again. Understand?
- Understand? - I understand.
You're not going up to naughty knickers?
No, sir. Katie's a bit young for all that.
- This doesn't get you off the hook. - Yeah, I know.
Pick her up from ours, yeah? Give you a chance to say hello to everyone.
As soon as your fella sees you in them,
he won't be running to the bedroom, he'll be pole-vaulting.
Soon as I get a fella, I'll let you know.
- If you're not fucking buying, then... - I was having them.
All right?
You all right?
I've not been a very good mate lately.
Nor me.
But I'm here for you.
Friendly, impartial advice.
We're finished.
What did he say?
If you don't mind, I'd sooner not talk about it.
- What happened happened. - Put it all behind us.
- Exactly. - Ladies,
can I have your attention, please?
I'd like to introduce tonight's first two models,
all the way from Lillian's, Trixie and Rhianna.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Look at that, not a natural fibre in sight.
Fucking brilliant this, innit?
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH UP STAIRS
- Jamie, it's not safe. - He's gone off his head.
You open that door, he'll be head spinning round, vomiting green soup,
your mam sucking cocks in hell!
I've got your arse covered, kid.
SIGHS DEEPLY
You look like shit.
Felt better.
I need a shower, shave, clean clothes.
- On the way. - And a word with your mother.
I'm over the worst, son.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hello.
This should put a smile on your face.
Thanks, son.
- Back in business, huh? - Yeah.
Fucking hell.
All right. Get that place cleaned - the floors, the ceiling. Now.
Both bra and panties have Velcro side-fastenings for a quick release.
Any man seeing this on your wedding night will say...
Fuck me, Meena!
I wouldn't want to hear that on my wedding night.
- Selling yourself? - Hypocrite!
No worse than what you sell.
- That is business. - So is this.
Peggy.
Yeah?
When you said his dad was dangerous,
- it wasn't just to keep Danny away? - No, why?
Shit! Come on!
Fuck!
(Jamie) He's well over the worst.
- So he did it? He's clean? - As a whistle.
And suddenly everything's all right?
(Paddy) We've both made mistakes.
If you can't admit that, there's no way forward.
I can't...and I won't
take all the blame for everything that's gone wrong with us, Mimi.
It takes two to tango.
God knows we've had two left feet for years.
Danny! Danny!
I just want to talk to you. I just want to talk to you. Listen! Listen!
- I'm sorry. I should have listened. - Danny, what are you doing? Wha...?
It's all right, Danny!
OK.
MOUTHS
OK.
But I don't think I can face seeing him.
Would you go with him?
You've changed your attitude a bit since I last saw you.
He's got something to say.
Why?
- Why what? - You did what you did.
And what have they told you I've done, Sean?
Danny!
When your mam and Auntie Peg done a runner with you,
you weren't Danny, you were Sean. I gave you that name.
And I'd like you to keep it.
Why did you do it?
What?
- What lies have they fed you? - Hit me!
- Is that what they told you? - You saying you didn't?
I don't know what the fuck's this got to do with you, but yeah.
- You did this. - No.
- Beat me so bad, you did this. - Sorry, son.
Your mam's been feeding you a load of crap.
I remember - you hurting me. And you hit him, the baby - you hit James!
You fell for their lies, hook, line and sinker.
Won't let you do to him what you did to me.
Is that what all this is about, is it? You clearing your conscience?
- Took his little brother walkabout. - To get him away from you.
- Over two roads and across the park. - To keep him safe!
- Two miles they walked. - Stop you hurting him!
Took a shortcut by the millpond and then...
Never got the opportunity to ask,
because you, your mother and Auntie Peg just disappeared.
What actually happened, Sean?
Did he jump?
Or was he drowned?
You fucking bastard.
You can't blame me for what you did to him.
I wanted to save him from you!
You did this to me! You did this!
Get out. Go on. Fuck off back to Spain.
SCREAMS
(Ian) So what now? Tell the truth and shame the devil?
A trouble shared is a trouble halved? No-one gets to know about this.
I'm up to my neck in someone else's shit
and I'm not going to go any deeper.
I'll never see Danny again, so bollocks to the truth.
"Honesty's the best policy. "
Is it fuck.
Is it fuck!
Yes!
CHEERING ON WII
(Umpire on Wii) Game, set and match.